Small Victories

I had a nickel for every time I thought how much I hate my job…I probably wouldn’t need to work at all -__-

—Just the fact that I couldn’t come up with a better title than that is a pretty good indication that I need a new line of work. But what else is new?

—A man is in the restroom after dinner with a lady. Standing at the urinal, he let’s out a heavy sigh. It was not going well, and he is very well aware of that. It was not a complete disaster, more like a stab wound to the belly that he didn’t know he had; in that it wasn’t exactly painful, but slow and by the time he realized what was happening he was already beyond saving. There he stands, mulling over each moment where could have been more charming, more confident, less confident, talked more, talked less and every way that he felt he had contributed to this unfortunate event. He lets out another heavy sigh and lightly bangs his head on the wall in from of him with a thump. That thump is answered by an unscheduled flush. All he can do is laugh. (I’ma work this into to something somewhere…haha)

—A movie that has changed my life is Harlan County USA. If you haven’t seen it (and chances are you haven’t) do yourself a favor and do so. I’m reminded of that movie all the time. Whenever I have a problem or someone is freaking out at me for something stupid or I see someone with a Coach bag with that “OMG life sux” face…I think about the people in that movie and remember what real problems look like. It can be a cynical way to look at things some times…but if anything it’s good to help keep things in perspective.

—Me: “How was you’re trip in?”
Guest: “Oh fine…uneventful!”
::we both break out into courtesy laughter::

I’m so tired of that friggin joke.

—I think the trick to aging gracefully is to live the life you’re proud of. Seems like it would be easier to be old if you don’t have any regrets.

—That being said I think I need to start living the life I want to live as opposed to the one I have to…

—I heard the 5th season of Tim and Eric was the last one… I guess they are right when they say sometimes you just want what you can’t have.

—I miss this. I think I should start writing more often again. What do you think void? I’m not as witty and insightful as I used to be. I’m sorry. I think the problem is that I am still just as insightful I just don’t get the opportunity to take in as much. I am just now coming to this realization…haha I think I DO need to write more.

—It wouldn’t be something written by me if I didn’t tell you to smile. Because you are beautiful when you do.

You can tell where she is from. She carries it where ever she goes. She smiles likes sunshine, laughs like cool breezes and when you visit with her you really wish you didn’t have to go anywhere, even though you know you’ll have to eventually. That is, of course, on a good day. Other days you think to yourself, “What the hell? There’s wind and sand and clouds and it’s freezing out here. It’s like someone is messing with me.” And someone is. It’s her. But you know it’s all in the natural order of things, so you play along, knowing that it’s just her way.

I want to say that she’s like an angel. But that’s not exactly true, is it? I only call her that because she’s always been a source of inspiration and comfort to me, and that’s essentially what angels are right? That or some far off ideal that we haven’t seen in a long, long time but we hope are still out there…which is true of her as well (for me anyway). Either way the whole notion is far too melodramatic for her. So I won’t go too much more into it. I’d hate for it to go to her head.

We’re very different people. I don’t know if we’re so close because of this or despite it. Maybe a little of both. But we share the same wave length. I don’t know how that works, but it does. I will say it makes what we do easier, sometimes when a person is reduced to a series of lines and images you can lose track of the essence of what they have to say. We’ve never had that problem, because already know what’s up. We’re cool like that. Well…she is. I’m a dork, always have been. I never had her fooled into believing otherwise. Which made it really easy for me to open up. So it’s really her own fault for being so damn smart.

People think it’s weird when I talk about her, I think. I don’t gush, I just simply mention that she exists and that she is special to me. Maybe it’s because we live in a society that uses the tools of instant communication everywhere as a primary source of self indulgence. But probably because it’s a little weird. Because it is. Beautifully strange. Just like her.

Two Parables that describe the darker half of my psyche…enjoy.

My Greatest Weakness:

Provided he makes and wins an argument about Buddhism with those who live there, any wandering monk can remain in a Zen temple. If he is defeated, he has to move on.

In a temple in the northern part of Japan two brother monks were dwelling together. The elder one was learned, but the younger one was stupid and had but one eye.

A wandering monk came and asked for lodging, properly challenging them to a debate about the sublime teaching. The elder brother, tired that day from much studying, told the younger one to take his place. “Go and request the dialogue in silence,” he cautioned.

So the young monk and the stranger went to the shrine and sat down.

Shortly afterwards the traveler rose and went in to the elder brother and said: “Your young brother is a wonderful fellow. He defeated me.”

“Relate the dialogue to me,” said the elder one.

“Well,” explained the traveler, “first I held up one finger, representing Buddha, the enlightened one. So he held up two fingers, signifying Buddha and his teaching. I held up three fingers, representing Buddha, his teaching, and his followers, living the harmonious life. Then he shook his clenched fist in my face, indicating that all three come from one realization. Thus he won and so I have no right to remain here.” With this, the traveler left.

“Where is that fellow?” asked the younger one, running in to his elder brother.

“I understand you won the debate.”

“Won nothing. I’m going to beat him up.”

“Tell me the subject of the debate,” asked the elder one.

“Why, the minute he saw me he held up one finger, insulting me by insinuating that I have only one eye. Since he was a stranger I thought I would be polite to him, so I held up two fingers, congratulating him that he has two eyes. Then the impolite wretch held up three fingers, suggesting that between us we only have three eyes. So I got mad and started to punch him, but he ran out and that ended it!”

My Greatest Fear

13 “Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour. 14 For it is like a man going on a journey, who summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The one who had received five talents went off right away and put his money to work²⁷⁰ and gained five more. 17 In the same way, the one who had two gained two more. 18 But the one who had received one talent went out and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money in it. 19 After a long time, the master of those slaves came and settled his accounts with them. 20 The one who had received the five talents came and brought five more, saying, ‘Sir, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ 21 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 22 The one with the two talents also came and said, ‘Sir, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more.’ 23 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 24 Then the one who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Sir, I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered, ‘Evil and lazy slave! So you knew that I harvest where I didn’t sow and gather where I didn’t scatter? 27 Then you should have deposited my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received my money back with interest! 28 Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. 29 For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30 And throw that worthless slave into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth’” (Matthew 25:13-30)

I’ll have the brighter side next time… when I’m not on a work computer =P. Love you all. Smile because you are beautiful when you do.

It seems like all I’ve had to talk about is music lately huh? I mean music is cool… in fact it’s one of the few things that I can enjoy on a regular basis. They can’t take it away from me and that means a lot right now.

But fear not… I have an idea for this place. I really do. Because when I think about it the world sucks. The financial sector of this country runs us into the ground and are rewarded for it, BP is destroying an entire ecosystem and the government is making it so they can get off scott free, every time you think the market is improving you read an article about how unemployment is getting worse all the while Republicans are filabustering the extension of unemployment benefits, the US was knocked out of the world cup, people with no talent are allowed to be famous, and I had to shave my beard for the man.

I’m getting to the part where you can fear not… in this aforementioned world of suck I had an epiphany: There’s really nothing you can do about it, except enjoy the small victories in life. That’s what I intend on celebrating here.

Small Victories: the people, places, sights, sounds, moments that make this life bareable. To be continued…